As adults, we all have a strong bias against quitting. We have a complicated relationship with quitting because it’s often hard, and it has a bad reputation.

We’ve been raised with mantras like “Never give up” or “Quitters never win, and winners never quit”, and with the idea that perseverance is one of the greatest virtues, while quitting means losing or failing.

I’ve always felt that “never” is a pretty poor choice of words in formulating these ideas, and that quitting might be a desirable strategy when things don’t work anymore or there are better options available.

Turns out I’m a quitter. I’ve quit enough times in my life, when I found no reason to linger on, or that there might be something better waiting for me on the other side.

I’ve quit lawyering after eleven years of practice, and I’ve quit my business which I had built from scratch, after eight years of owning and managing a well-regarded Italian restaurant. In both cases, I felt like the path I was walking was not aligned with my identity, my core values and my vision of a fulfilled, purposeful life.

The decisions to quit were terribly tough and soul-wrenching. Even if, deep down, I knew it was the right thing to do, I’ve pushed things to the limit and every time the decision-making process was filled with guilt, fear, and doubt. “I’ve failed”, “I wasted all the time and resources I’ve invested in these projects”, “I’m not good enough to do this,” are some of the recurrent thoughts I’ve struggled with for a long time.

Had I read Annie Duke’s book, “Quit. The power of knowing when to walk away” sooner, maybe it would all have been easier, as I would have understood the easy way that quitting doesn’t always mean losing but may in fact be the best decision you can make. 

Why is quitting a virtue?

Written by a former professional poker player and a decision strategist, the book is a myth buster and a game changer in the realm of decision making. The “myth”, in this case, is the popular wisdom that one should never give up, but persevere by all means to reach a goal. Annie Duke is masterfully challenging this idea, proving that quitting can be a valuable decision-making tool and a skill worth developing.

“If I had to skill somebody up to get them to be a better decision-maker, quitting is the primary skill I would choose, because the ability to walk away is what allows you to react to the changing landscape.”. 

Actually, what the author is arguing is that, even if “grit” has won the popularity contest of greatest virtues, it can get you to stick to hard things that are no longer worthwhile. As opposed to grit, quitting is also a great virtue under the right circumstances.

Decision making is often about uncertainty, incomplete information and odds. That’s why it’s important to learn how to quit, because this will help us not to freeze in uncertainty or feel stuck when facing a decision. It will also prevent neglecting better opportunities, which may be waiting just around the corner. Quitting allows you to make a different choice when new information arises.

Revealing from behind-the-scenes of the poker game, Annie Duke shows that “in the battle between playing and quitting, amateurs usually choose to play. Professionals usually choose to quit. This is partly because when you choose to continue or quit, only quitting ensures that you will never lose a pot that you might have won if you had played the hand to the end.”

When is the right time to quit?

“Optimal quitting might be the most important skill separating great players from amateurs.” 

Usually, people quit too late. Too often, they persist too long. The right time to quit never feels right. Quitting at the right time always feels wrong and too soon. People persist too long in a losing project, career, relationship or situation, despite what their intuition is telling them.

The right time to quit, according to Annie Duke, is often when something’s no longer worth pursuing, when you have gathered enough information or evidence showing that continuing on your current path is unlikely to lead to a desirable outcome or when your goals and values have changed significantly.

When you feel like things don’t work and you’re struggling with the situation you’re in, ask yourself  “How long are you willing to wait for something that’s not coming? And what price are you paying while waiting?”. Try to project yourself one year from now and to figure out what is the probability to still be struggling and be stuck in the same situation.

Here are some situations when quitting might be the better option, according to Annie Duke:

• When you find yourself staying for all the wrong reasons: fear of failure, fear of wasting the time and resources (sunk costs), fear of being judged or fear of the unknown, attachment to the current status-quo;
• When sticking to a path that is no longer worth pursuing, when you look into the future and see that the chances things will go your way are just too slim, and all the odds are against you;
• When the effort and resources you are putting into a particular endeavor are producing diminishing returns or causing more harm than good;
• When you meet the “kill criteria” you have established for your project from the very beginning. These will help cut loses and protect you against bad decision-making when you’re in the moment;
• If the circumstances, your goals or priorities have shifted, and it became useless pursuing something that no longer aligns with your new objectives;
• If you’ve consistently failed to make progress or achieve your goals despite persistent effort;
• If a better opportunity arises that aligns more closely with your goals and values.

Revealing a lot of instruments and tips & tricks to make the quitting easier when it seems to be the correct solution, offering great insights into the most common biases that keep us from quitting and showing tools to overcome these biases, the book rehabilitates the power of quitting and brings a fresh perspective on the pursuit and meaning of success.

Happy ending

Did I live happily ever after my quitting decisions? Hell, yeah. No catastrophe has occurred, no public accusation or sentence was passed against me.

Furthermore, quitting gave me the chance to discover an awesome new opportunity in coaching, which I embraced with both hands and which is giving me a great sense of fulfillment and purpose.

Life is just too short to waste it with things that don’t bring you fulfillment and purpose.

Under the right circumstances, quitting is the key to the happy ending.